Loved that you had a super duper fantastic weekend! I know I did!

Talk to your dad about what is going on. Maybe he will see things differently. But he has to be willing to listen.

I'm pissed at life today. Except for it is going to be like 56 degrees and sunny today. My bitterness won't last long because it is going to be lovely outside, but I wish it would. I need a day to be pissy and hide from the world. Like I need one REALLY bad before I go back to friggin' Logan this weekend for Syd's play. I can't tell you how pissy I am right now. I'm pissed that Chris chomped the chips that I bought to eat my OWN feelings with last night. I didn't even eat any of them because it pissed me off. Instead, I crawled up in bed while he watched Live Free or Die Hard and cranked Red Jumpsuit Apparatus as loud as possible on my iPod and buried my head under my pillow and held in my screams. You think I am being sarcastic. But, unfortunetly, I am being all very serious. I did that. Literally. Kaitlyn was in bed by that time last night, but this morning she woke up and was like, "WTF was with Chris last night?" lol. She was like, "He kept chomping chips, like I know you hate, but you didn't say anything. And then he kept nagging at you. Like he'd whisper, 'hey, rachel! can I have some more chips? hey, rachel! can I have more salsa? hey, rachel! I love you! hey, rachel! i don't want anything... I just wanted to nag at you!'" Okay, so the last one was a little exaggerated, but Lord! Kaitlyn, who is absorbed in her own little world a lot of the time noticed how pissed I was!

It may seem like I'm picking on Chris a lot. But it's not just him. It's everyone! Everyone has their problems with school, love, and friends. And everyone comes to me. Which, I'm okay with. I love the fact that they can do that. However, I HATE, 'how do you do it? you're okay. you don't seem to hate it down here and your relationship with Chris is good and you're doing well in school...' Fuck that! Who said I was okay? I'm gonna hunt them down and kill them! I love it down here, that is true. But I'd like to know your source for my 'good grades!' School is kicking my ass! Yeah, I'm trying to turn it around, but it doesn't mean it's easy! And Chris and I are doing okay because we have known each other for two months! -not since first grade, like you and your bf! GAH! I'm gonna scream! No one ever said I was alright. I got a shit ton of my own problems, but I'm holding them in for you! So that you can maintain your sanity! I want to see you back here next semester! Have you noticed that I eat once a day because I can't force myself to eat more than that? Have you noticed that even though I'm not eating much, I'm gaining weight? Or have you noticed that when I'm stressed I crank my iPod to tune out everything? Have you noticed my iPod is with me wherever I go now? Have you noticed that I'm not carrying my cell phone? Not because it is broken, but because I'm tired of getting txts saying, 'can we chat after class?' Or have you noticed that I am scared shitless of my Freshmen Seminar class? -because I have told you. And all you say is 'I'm sorry.'

Everyone is talking. But why can't I? Today, I'm hiding. I'm going out to Mozingo Lake and not telling anyone. Bye.